Minding the Gap
/gap/
a break or space in an object or between two objects.
"he came through the gap in the hedge"
an unfilled space or interval; a break in continuity.
"there are many gaps in our understanding of what happened"
Embracing the Gap and the Gain in Your Alcohol-Free Journey
I hope you’re having a beautiful and joyful Dry January. If your month has been a little “moist” instead of fully dry, know this: you’re still in the right place, and you’re still welcome. Every step you take toward exploring your relationship with alcohol matters.
I just returned from a weekend celebrating my best friend’s wedding. This is a friend from my heavy drinking days, and I went into the weekend feeling a little nervous. Between the bachelor party and the big day itself, I wasn’t sure how my choice not to drink would be received. Some friends know about my alcohol-free (AF) journey, others don’t, and there were plenty of new faces in the mix.
A Surprising and Beautiful Weekend
The weekend turned out to be amazing. The groom himself has been exploring sobriety and decided not to get wasted before his big day, which set a positive tone for the whole group. We had a ton of fun—fun I actually get to remember—and the wedding was absolutely beautiful.
One of the groom’s aunts even pulled me aside during the reception and said, “You guys all look so well!” That moment stuck with me. It wasn’t just about physical appearances—it was about how great we felt and showed up for one another.
What really hit me, though, was the realization that attending a wedding without drinking and not feeling deprived is something I couldn’t have imagined a short while ago. This experience made me reflect on a concept I often talk about with my coaching clients: the Gap and the Gain.
Understanding the Gap and the Gain
The Gap and the Gain is all about how we measure progress. For so many of us, the default is to focus on the gap—the space between where we are now and where we want to be. We fixate on that ideal version of ourselves off on the horizon and beat ourselves up for not being there yet.
But this way of thinking is exhausting. It’s discouraging. And, frankly, it’s unfair to all the progress we’ve already made.
Instead, we can shift our focus to the gain. This means measuring where we are now against where we started, not where we hope to end up. When we look at the gain, we can see how far we’ve come and use that momentum to keep moving forward.
The Gap vs. The Gain in Alcohol-Free Living
This doesn’t mean abandoning your goals. Your goals are still there, serving as a guiding light—a north star—not a weapon to beat yourself up with.
Let’s apply this to your Dry January journey:
The Gap Perspective: You might feel frustrated if you’ve had a slip or if Dry January hasn’t been as perfect as you hoped. You could be fixated on the gap between how you wanted this month to go and how it’s actually gone.
The Gain Perspective: Instead, reflect on what’s different now compared to when you started. What positive changes have you noticed? What have you learned about yourself? What habits or patterns have shifted?
Even if your month hasn’t been perfect, every step toward self-awareness and growth is a gain.
Reflect on Your Gains
Take a moment to think about this:
What’s true for you now, that wasn’t true when you began changing your relationship with alcohol?
What insights have you uncovered about your relationship with alcohol?
What wins—big or small—can you celebrate today?
I’d love to hear about your gains! Sharing your progress, no matter how big or small, can inspire and motivate others on their journey.
Keep Moving Toward Your North Star
Remember, your goals are there to inspire you, not to shame you. Focus on the gains you’ve made, and let them propel you forward.
Thanks for letting me share my experience. I can’t wait to hear about your gains and celebrate with you!
